我不是你想像那麼勇敢

I like the creativity and how the content matches with the troubled society. Everyone is in search of something they yearns for, something dear to them in which they have lost and something that isn't in physical form.

And hence, it has made the song very touching and filled with warmth at the end.

黑皮牛耳！

Time passes quickly while you are having fun. And tomorrow school gonna start. (okie, this entry isn't about the aiyo-so-stressful-school-sux stuff)

Despite the economic downturn and that the festive spirit isn't very much present, this is one of my most anticipated CNY since I was born. It is not about receiving pocket money anymore, and isn't about gambling (although I played too-too-too much of mahjong). It is about getting around with family and relatives to see how each other is doing, especially for those we haven't seen for a full year. It is a time, where you see the elders in the family getting excited, seeing their children and grandchildren return, in nice new clothes and beams when they see each other. Knowing that their offspring are still getting well is already a good gift for CNY.

My 外公 doesn't talk much, maybe not so good at expressing himself, but he makes sure that everyone in the house get a good full meal at the dining table, hence the whole 2-3 days he was busy with preparing food, and ALWAYS throwing something into the steamboat as he walks past. 外婆 then goes around, keeping things in order and tells my aunties and mum about her plans to go holidays (okie, she needs reimbursement from them). Well, I learnt something which makes a lot of sense when I was at her place. She told my cousin "肚子饱，眼睛不饱", telling him that he should not eat so much since his stomach is already full but his eyes aren't. 阿嬷 will then wakes up normally around the time i was sleeping to do the housework, every CNY is like a major event. Then she will have to visit the market in the early morn to buy plenty of stuff to store.

I enjoyed the vibes and the joys of meeting up during CNY, and truly appreciate how things are now. =)

礼物

终于一天看清楚，能够爱过痛过也是幸福。
风光明媚，还是绝路，都是昨天笑忘书。

每一个人都有一份礼物，就是为另外一的人付出。
能够勇敢爱下去，是最大的礼物。

交换了礼物，我会懂得珍惜。

莫等闲

人都将会有老的一天。无关性别，宗教或信仰，也不管你是男，是女，是高，是矮，富有或平庸，大家所拥有的时间是一样的。

如果有一双健全的腿，就多跑远一点，走多一点。
如果有灵活的脑袋，就好好地利用，别让它变得迟钝。
如果有一双明亮的眼睛，就多看一些，记下美好的画面。

我得要多珍惜我所拥有的一切。＝）

Let's Go Shopping

Heard from MJ that once the economy ain't doing well, fellow citizens will think that it is high time to save and scrimp, hence decided to buy only necessary stuff and not objects of one's desires. This phenomena, on the surface helps one to save some reserves for rainy days but will not only bring the economy down even faster but also closer to recession. As people stop spending, the companies (especially MNCs) will then decide not to invest so much and pump in less money into the distinguished market of the country. And the best way to cut losses is by retrenchment and then people lose jobs. Therefore, during such times, it is highly encouraged for people to go shopping. (Does this make impulsive shoppers feel better about their actions? This is some glorifying moment whereby shoppers save the economy! =P )

Enough of the fair share of crap/fact, I went shopping with the slut (okie.. my bestie) yesterday, and we went from city hall to the flyer for dinner and then to bugis where I got my good buys from. Here are some photos we took along the way.

How anorexia can form..

Continuing from the previous entry. I retold this 'eating takeaway' story to WJ.

WJ: I have been doing that for (count fingers..) 2 years already? then I got sick of the outside food and decided to use hot water to blanch my vegetables and meat. After that I got too lazy and decided not to eat already. Hence, I stop eating.

Me: (shocked) I really hope I am not heading this way.

Thank goodness for CNY, I can eat home-cooked food, spend time with family and enjoy the goodies. =)

'Ask and it shall be given' works on Mums too.

(Provided that you have been a good son all year.)

Had this conversation with my mum early this morning, before i left for school.

Me: Are you going to cook tonight?
Mum: Aiyo, I have been waking up so early everyday for work and will be too tired to cook already.
Me: But i have been eating weeks of takeaways and firstly, they are not healthy, secondly expensive and finally I'm already sick of it. (act pitiful)
Mum: ..(silence)

However Mum and Dad just came back and Mum is cooking Bak Kut Teh right now, and hence I have proven that 'ask and it shall be given' works (at least for my mum). I shall thank her later during dinner.

赤壁之感想

为小乔捏了一把又一把的冷汗。
不禁对曹操的威严，魄力敬佩。
诸葛孔明的才智过人，一个充满幽默感的英雄。
流汗的乌龟和挡箭稻草兄实在太抢戏了！
周瑜边骑马边接弓箭时帅呆了。
胖猪让我有很深的印象，就算再倔强，野蛮，好胜的人，都会有脆弱的一面。面对着饭桶的离去，她也无可奈何，只能责怪这无情，残酷的战火。

人都有自己想要保护的东西，见仁见智，因人而异。

关于自己

其实我应该在写我的另一个作品，但由于有点记不得要写什么，索性就写写一些一直存记在我的脑海里的事情。

我曾想过，为什么自己会对家人比较好？即便是说学校教得好，把孔子对孝顺和君子的理念灌输到我身上，但还是有听说朋友们跟家人的互动并没有那么密切。我当然很爱我的家人，喜欢买一些有的没的布置家里，常常买饼干和饮料来存放在柜子里，这样一来，爸爸能够随时有东西吃。我会打扫房子，扫地，抹地都行。成天苦口婆心地叫妹妹吃少一点，去收拾房间，有时甚至认为自己可以比妈妈还能做称职的家庭主妇。后来想想，自己是不是潜意识中知道可能会有对不起家人的事，所以现在就开始在补偿我将来的’错误‘。因此，努力地做个好儿子，乖孩子和好哥哥。

但我就是我，仍然想做自己想做的事，继续做自己。

The Forgotten Belated.

I din see this coming. That I would get this huge belated birthday present from khoon and sy. I thought this day has been spent in China and left there, hence there wasn't much of a celebration when I came back to Singapore. And soon came 2009 and I have already forgotten about my uneventful birthday. So when I saw sy with a big NUM paper bag it really caught me by surprise. And there inside was a red sling bag with a shoe compartment. It would be a real Attention seeking bag, but I would love to bring it to school soon, hehe, partly because i like the bag and mostly because it is sorta an evidence of this forgotten belated gift, filled with warmth and friendship. Thanks guys, I will remember this that you've given to me. =) hugs.

And i do agree that i lack the vibrancy. ( Yes ASH, it's time for wardrobe makeover). And from no where, I need to start a healthy cum detox diet for a week from now till next week, hopefully I can sustain this for long. Anyway, my English CMI (Chinese just slightly better).

Forgot to go to g2000 to take a look to get some office wear (heard that there is some sales going on) when having dinner with CK just now. Have to go get some tomorrow then.

Connection

I was listening to Jason Mraz again, and how I enjoy his songs since Remedy (back then i was in secondary school). Performing is a very simple way to let go of his frustrations, feelings and sentiments. And hence this song, I'm yours, telling people that time is short and that everyone deserves to be loved.

So I won't hestitate
No more, no more.
It cannot wait, I'm sure.

There's no need to complicate,
our time is short.
This is our fate, I'm Yours.

Sidenote: Sis did okie for her exams. I hope she does find a course that she is interested and they are willing to take her. =)

It's a Sunday and it's know yourself day!

Just got back not long ago, slightly tired. Yesterday I managed to get to Paisley and Cream for English bread and butter pudding and double chocolate cupcake for desserts (been so long since I last went). Looks like the crowd there is still the same (which is none. But that is precisely why i like the place) The prices are slightly higher now yet still affordable. Most importantly, the ambiance, the way the food are served and how the food taste have met my requirements of a good chill out place.

Okie. the title of my entry looks weird. I got to know myself better today. Ever wondered how it feels like when someone looks into your eyes and tell you how he feels about you? Telling you what is so unique that make you different from the crowd and reassuring that you are special. It then becomes clearer to you what qualities you have and didn't know about. Hence, you are able to know more about yourself! =)

Anyway,
Mum:你早上才回来吖 （i sms-ed you yesterday to inform you, you forgot le ar?)
跟瘦皮猴一样还以为自己很壮，可以不睡觉吖。。(first time she said that about me)
Me:有啦，有睡。

来自家人的快乐

What a time to share my happiness. Right.

After a tired session of Kbox with Sy and khoon (the tiring part is to sing a series of fast songs with chunky lyrics such as 'womanizer' and 'that's not my name'), I got a call from my sister about family dinner at 三盅两件. I was thinking, "what! You guys are going there again so soon? Now what's the big occasion?" But soon after, I realize I feel happier than being curious about why the sudden change in the stuffs that we do. And as soon as I arrived, the dishes came and we were ready to eat. It has been a while since the whole family gets to eat together in the restaurant. I can recall when my sis and I were still young, we enjoy going to Palm Beach for seafood with our parents. So it has really been some time before this starts again. Probably because we are starting to lose some of the financial burden and so dad has some spare cash to spare.

We went shopping for an hour or so before we leave for home. The following is the dialogue i remember as we were approaching esprit.. (it is to see how contradictory my mum always get)

Me: 我要去esprit。我要看雨伞。
Dad：那个“那里那里”有卖很多种雨伞。。。
Mum: 你的坏了meh?
Me: 对咯。我要买新的了。
Mum: esprit 不是很贵吗？
Me: 可是它可以auto push button 开关。

So we went into the shop and I looked at the umbrella.

Me: 很好用。可是很贵。
Mum: 买咯。当作你用两支伞的钱买一支伞咯。（what? I thought you just told me that it is ex?)
(Dad open his waist pouch and handed me 50 bucks)

And hence, I got my umbrella. Anyway my mum has such a terrible sore throat till she cant speak well. So when she was buying a bag, my sis and I were looking at something else. When she tries to call us, we heard some weird voice from the back. Out of curiosity we turned around and realized that it was our mother. (i let out a 是她哦 and my sis heard it and we were laughing badly at the mall)

After that, I bought some durian puffs and my dad say my mum cannot eat. However my mum says again, “吃一点不用紧的。”

Okie.. now i sound like I am bitching about my mum. No lah, I am just glad that we have a proper family dinner and this sunday we are going to Johor for seafood. =)


Oh ya.. A picture of my sis and I, I really think that my sis is beautiful and what she needs is just to lose some weight =)

Rational

Intrigued by the difference between a rational thinker and someone who does things according to feelings (call that irrational, a bit too negative). I sort of wonder where do I stand. I have always been rational. Let's put it this way. In order to be studying Science up to now, I believe I have to be rational somehow and theories therefore must make sense to me in order for me to understand. Just like following the steps in the lab manual, there is a reason for every action. Something like you sleep because you want to rest or you have to, not because you feel like going out (well that is an extreme case of irrationality)

As I was told, a rational person will want to see things done and hence will seize the opportunity or take a leading role in order to fulfill the tasks. As a result, a rational person is dominating. How true is that? For me, not very. I am rather passive. Let's say a group of friends want to go out, I would just listen to what good ideas they have and go on with it. However, when no one can think of something, I'll step in and take charge to make the decision. But isn't it some form of forced domination? So am I active or passive? Or rather, am i rational or otherwise?

I enjoy thinking. Thinking during a journey in the bus, while I am jogging, even before I go to sleep. Think = rational? Haa, i am thinking yet again.

I Grew up with..

SPEED = hiroko + eriko + takako + hitoe
This line has been scribbled on some of my textbooks and worksheets, here and there, in large or small prints. I watch their concert vcds, download their live performances, purchase their stickers and key chains, listen carefully to their songs till I can sing without understanding what the heck it mean. I was seriously obsessed that I even started a fanclub website for them.

After watching this recent performance of theirs, i soon came with a conclusion that the decision to disband 8 years ago was a good one. In 1997, they sang exactly the same song on NHK 红白歌唱大赛 as they did last year, and i realise that Eriko has improved so much in her technique that she is very stable and her voice sounded great. And for the rest of them, they have become more feminine, especially hiro who sledded her babyfat face. Though they are less popular now (they disbanded at their peak), i think the showbiz was willing to give them respect and equal chances to shine again. And I think they are doing well. All the best SPEED!

Something Peculiar

I think I got to note this day down, 5th January 2009. Something is wrong, not that I don't like it, but it is strange and weird in a very positive way. Dad and mum decided to bring me and sis for dinner somewhere near our place. Well, our family haven't got much dinners together because of busy commitments, either with mahjong or with something else less important. On the way for dinner, my sis then divulged something stunning to me. It turns out that, for the past month while I was away, my parents were indulging in having fine dining at restaurants. Sometimes, they would bring my sis along but most of the times they go by themselves. During dinner, I saw my dad smiling so much that I was afraid to look directly at him. Perhaps I haven't seen him so happy before.

Here's the problem. I don't understand the reason behind this sudden change, that they become rather willing to spend on food and shopping, enjoying life more. Oh ya.. and my dad just offered to make a drink for me. Okie, I just found out another weird thing, they talk a lot more now. Just now after little nonya, they were telling me about their Johor trip and what they bought from the trip. (and how they ended up buying my 15RM bag) And now they still have some voucher from 三盅两件, and want to go there soon.

Am I suspecting too much?

春天的呐喊

虽然算是个免费的演唱会，但我还是能感觉到五月天的摇滚精神和对音乐的信念与执柞。一场两个小时多的演唱会，穿插了许多脍炙人口的新旧歌曲，像程搭通往快乐的时光机一般，走过五月天的过去，现在和期待无法预知的未来。《突然好想你》让我感动不已。随着简单的旋律，唱着带着心酸的歌词，6千人的ktv场景，颇为有feel。丁当的《猜不透》，带来听觉上的享受。《笑望歌》和《垃圾车》唱出朋友之间无法取代的关系，也只有朋友能够忍受自己的坏，在适当的时候提醒叮咛。经典的《志明与春娇》和《温柔》牵伴着歌迷的心。《出头天》是五月天对大家的祝福，期望每个人的出头天指日可待。

天下没有不散的宴席，可惜8月29日我人已在美国，不然一定会到场支持五月天的售票演唱会。

第一话：《爸爸》

“那天她匆匆忙忙地离开，一点解释的机会都不给，害我担心死了，也不知道她怎么了。单单电话我就打了十多通，留言也留了七八个，但一点回应都没有。我还沿着拍摄场地附近的几条街寻找，但还是不见她的踪影，真是让我急坏了。”凯哲说得正起劲。

“结果呢？到底发生了什么事?” 我着急地问，超想知道故事的来龙去脉，想必非常的精彩。这种曲折离奇，轰轰烈烈的爱情好像跟我一点关联都没有。来来回回，徘徘徊徊，还是在爱情学测里交出了白卷。就因为这样才爱看电视剧，聆听别人的故事。然而，我奢望的只是简简单单的生活。

桌上的两杯热可可早就凉了，毕竟只是点缀品，当下的重点还是我们正在谈论的话题。

“都已经傍晚了，我也不知道她会不会出现在餐厅。喔，对了，那天是我们的纪念日，我在巧克力盒子里放了一张字条，就是要提醒她要准时到达我们平常光顾的日本料理餐厅，那是肥仔叔介绍我们去的，在那里有我们的许多回忆。所以我就搭了计程车直达餐厅。等了多时始终没有见到她，手提电话都要打暴了都没有消息，真是的。小婕还不停地传简讯给我，向我道歉，也关心我是否已经找到了她。。。”凯哲看了看手表，再四处张望了一番。“。。。然后我想起了一个地方，可能她会在那里。”

“她的家？”凯哲摇摇头。
“是公司吗？”我接着问。
“你神经病啊，有事没事去公司。你以为每个人都像你这样那么爱工作吗？” 凯哲笑着，看来不是公司。
“哪里嘛！”我激动地拍打桌子，两个点缀品抖了一下，不小心溢了出来。 我仿佛听到“啧”的一声，然后看到侍应生不耐烦地抹着桌子。接着，他问都没问，就把还没喝到一半的可可端走了。“在哪里？”我低下头，小声地问。真是丢脸死了。

“东海岸。那是我最爱去的地方。我就在那里找到她。她没有哭，只是坐在我们平时坐的地方，安静地看着宁静地海。我坐在她的身旁，静静地陪着她。直到深夜，她突然问了一个问题，问我爱情是什么。”凯哲笑了笑。“我当时都不知道要怎样回答，就说。。。”凯哲的身后出现了一个女生，脸上浮现尴尬的表情，但还蛮可爱的。

“不好意思，我迟到了。”那女生向我们说。我对她微笑，表示不介意以及欢迎。

“继续啊，不要说道一半就停下。”我问道。

凯哲握起那女孩的手。女孩的手指带着一枚简单的银色戒指，上面镶着一颗小钻石。“我就说，‘爱情是一种愉快的感觉，有个重要的人在身旁的感觉，一种只有你能给我的感觉。’然后，就这样咯。”凯哲得意地牵着女孩的手。“我和蕊琪下个月就要结婚了，当天记得早点到喔。”女孩的笑容很甜美。“我们得先走了，待会儿还要到小婕的店派喜帖。自从她和小开男朋友合作开了这家做美甲的店，她可忙呢，赚的钱都没时间花呢！对了，记得帮我向你爸爸问声好，我都好久没看到他了。”说着，他们向我招招手，然后转身离去。而我，看着他们幸福的背影慢慢离去，心里为凯哲感到好欣慰，有什么比找到人生的另一半还更重要的？

— —

回到家时，跟平常一样，空荡荡的。有时我认为这所谓的‘家’比较像个旅店，早已失去了它原本的意义。我放下背包，然后走到厨房里想倒了杯水喝。

“妈的。又是没杯子了，每次都这样。”接着我就开始我的寻杯之旅。家人很喜欢把杯子带着走，然后就顺手地留在那里。杯子能出现的地方可多了，桌子上，房间里，客厅里，电话旁，书桌上，甚至地上，床上等怪地方都有可能。家里的行动电话就更夸张了。黑黑的，小小的，难找死了。有时我还得用手提电话拨打家的电话号码，然后随着铃声找到电话。通常电话都被藏在妹妹的枕头底下。

找到杯子，喝了水。去了浴室，冲了凉。然后就躲到房间里忙上网，做功课。
做得闷了就去youtube看看最新的音乐录音带。

— —

爸爸在不久前刚做完一个肾脏移植手术。一颗完好无损的肾得来不易，光排队就要等个好几年。一旦终于等到时，还要经过重重身体检查，确定捐器者的器官和病人的血型，年龄，等等是否符合。爸爸也是洗肾洗了八年才等到这个千载难逢的机会。刚好是在新年前夕接到的好消息，所以家人都感到格外的感恩，能够过一个喜气洋洋，健健康康的新年。

记得小学时，当八十五岁的曾祖父过世时，我还以为他还会回来的，因为没有人真正地从我身边离开过。但当人成长时，接触到了现实的世界，被灌输了人生道理和哲理，经历了不同的千锤百炼，也拥有了自己的想法，才会发觉真实的世界并没有那么的完美。

所以在中三时，爸爸常常生病，因此一直没有工作，让我第一次为这个家庭的家计着想，更为家人的健康担心不已。后来体力衰落的他住到了奶奶家好让奶奶细心地照顾他。果然，听妈妈说，爸爸在奶奶家时看起来精神多了，病情也似乎好多了。我始终无法放下心来，可能是因为自己想法太悲观，不相信一切都能恢复原状。

有时，好的不灵坏的灵到我自己都怕。原来爸爸是在假装自己已经康复了。这样一来，年长的母亲就不会夜夜难眠，一颗心悬在半空中，一会儿担心这儿，一会儿又担心那儿。所以要让大家以为他没事了。直到一晚，叔叔用手按了按爸爸的脚指头。如果是正常人，当脚指头被按下时，因为血液无法流到那里，手指头就自然地变白。然而，只要一松手，脚指头很快就会恢复原本的粉红色。问题是，当叔叔松手时，爸爸的脚指头在许久之后还是没有血液的流动。叔叔二话不说，立刻叫了救伤车把硬是不要看医生的爸爸送到医院做进一步的检查。医生也要求爸爸留院观察。

第二天，放学时我看见叔叔就在校门等我。那可是他第一次到学校来找我，所以我就推测应该时发生了什么事了。果然，爸爸的病情恶化了，情况看起来不妙，已经转到了加护病房。叔叔急忙把我载到医院去看爸爸。

在医院的场面是我这一生无法忘记的。妹妹握着妈妈的手，浑然不知发生了什么事情。妈妈痛哭流涕，一见到我就把我紧紧地抱着，从没看过妈妈那么的无助，那么的伤心。我也不知如何是好，只有一边抱着妈妈，用手拍着她的背，并告诉她不要担心，一切会没事的，要她安心。但其实，我也害怕失去爸爸。但我更明白，如果现在我也跟着哭，那会突现出我没有能力照顾妈妈和妹妹，所以我强忍住了。哭红了眼的姑姑告诉我，爸爸的情况危急，因为一个正常患肾病的病人的肾所累积的毒素多半是大约八百多点，但爸爸的已经到了两千多点，差不多已经是多出了三倍，使得两颗肾都废了。不止我们，连医生都觉得惊讶，为什么爸爸并没有投诉说哪里不舒服或感觉不对劲的，因为肾病是有很多症状的。可见爸爸真的忍得很辛苦，只是为了要让家人安心，但因此让病情变本加厉了。

试想，平常开水龙头时就有源源不绝的水供使用。但万一有一天，这唯一的水龙头不再正常地运作，那怎么办？我们常常把一些人事物的存在当成了理所当然，甚至把他们忽略了。

爸爸是个固执的大男人，又是一个孝顺的儿子。他念的书不多，差不多小六的时候就辍学了。他年纪轻轻时，在二十二岁时和妈妈结婚，而且在同一年生下了我。想想我现在已经是个二十出头的青年了，真不敢想像自己抱着一个婴儿上学呢。为了撑起这个家，爸爸一个人打两分工，凌晨就摸黑上班，所以我很少有机会看到他，并且跟他说话。可能是因为自己没受过高等教育，所以爸爸对我的要求相当地高。当我兴奋地将考到九十八分的高分的数学测验卷子交到他手中时，他不但没称赞我，还以严厉的口气，问我为什么没有争取到满分。因此，我只敢拿常常拿满分的华文听写和默写给他过目。其余的，还是让妈妈看就好吧。辛苦地耕耘了那么久，孩子也都比较懂事了，总算能享点清福时，被诊断出得了肾病，我看爸爸自己也十分懊恼吧。

我们被告知，爸爸常常吃太咸和油的食物，也经常给自己工作上的压力，使高血压造成了肾病。爸爸必须立即被送到医院一楼的洗肾中心洗肾。由于如果要用手臂插管子需要动小手术，而爸爸的情况并没有应许任何时间来这么做，医生不得已地把粗粗的针管插入爸爸的脖子。可想而知，这样的程序肯定很痛。我们不能进去陪伴爸爸，只能默默地在外头等待，或者从窗口望过去，看看他的进展如何。在洗肾的过程中，爸爸不时地冷到直发抖，有好几次要护士送被子过来。因为必须躺着数小时而使得血液不循环，爸爸也常常抽筋，需要护士帮他按摩来放松肌肉。在医院里的一次洗肾要三百元，因医院规定病人每天都得洗肾，所以让我好担心，会不会这样就把积蓄得花完了。但这钱又不能不花，因为我只有那么一个好爸爸。我只要这么一个好爸爸。是他就好，健康就好。

我永远记得他在洗肾过后跟我说的第一句话。

“你来了啊。。吃饱了吗？”他的脸色苍白，看起来很虚弱，一点都不像平时那生龙活虎，力大如牛的他。

我点了点头。心里好像被那句话狠狠地捅了一刀。在他最需要别人的照顾与关怀时，他还是不忘自己身为一家之主，还担心我是否已经吃饱了。

接下来的日子可不好熬。爸爸做了绕道手术，使手臂上的血管更明显，以便洗肾。由于大量的血需要常常流动在那几条主要的血管，爸爸的手臂上出现了几个小山丘，肿起来得让我看了好心痛。还有一次，爸爸的手臂的伤口有点发炎，所以得用大腿内侧的血管来进行洗肾。可想而知，大腿是身体比较敏感的部分，所以痛度肯定比手臂高许多。妈妈还偷偷告诉我，当护士把针筒插入爸爸的大腿时，他忍着痛，装作落无其事。即使一声也不吭，他还是被夺眶而出的眼泪给出卖了。

每洗一次肾都是煎熬。
一，要放下工作，定时地到洗肾中心报到。
二，肾病是富贵病，所以避不了的洗肾，身体检查和药品成了经济负担。
三，没办法出国太久，饮食也得控制。

－ －
光阴似箭，转眼间那已是七年前的事了，以成为了过眼云烟，陈年往事，但相信也是警惕着我们一家人什么叫做“健康胜于财富”，也让我们深深体会到家人的重要。如果没有家人的无微不至的照顾与关心所形成的原动力，爸爸或许不会复原得那么快。

突然想起一件趣事，就在爸爸在换肾后还在医院休养时，他的手提电话就归我管。只要有客户打电话来订购鸡鸭鱼肉，我就需要叫他们打给公司总部。可笑的是，他们已是熟客，所以一接通电话就立刻下订单。更糟的在后头，还有些客户直接传了简讯。简讯的内容只有一连串的数字，例如“3 2 1 2 2”，或者是 “1 2 2 2 1”。身为外行人的我可是一窍不通，这几个阿拉伯数字好像是客户和爸爸之间的特别密码，我看除了爸爸之外就没人看得懂了吧。至今我都还没向他问清楚呢。

－ －
“boy,你吃饱了吗？”爸爸刚回来，手里拿着一份他每晚不可缺的《联合晚报》。不是因为里面的八卦新闻，也不是紧张国内外的精彩新闻内容，而是爸爸的余兴节目，赛马所必备的《马经》。

“还没有啦。”我从房间喊道。Youtube播放的desperate housewives精彩绝伦。

“不会饿吗？去买，顺便也帮我买。”

“喔。”我早预料他会说这句话，甚至知道他要吃什么，所以也没问。

“对了，明天是初一，阿嬷要我们过去她家，不要去别的地方。” 他说道。看来又有好料吃了。

“哎呀，怎么又没杯子了？”我在离开家门时听到从厨房传来的声音。

我笑了笑。

《序》

经过了牛刀小试与那小小的试验，我似乎找到创作的概念。第一部作品《沉默，沉没》想表达的是巧合并非偶然，并且希望读者能珍惜在人生这道路上所遇到的人事物。接下来的第二部作品《暖》，想要向读者借个聆听的耳朵来听主角的故事。故事想述说的，大部分是真实经历，唯一想转达的是，在两人感情以外，还有许多其他人能够雪中送炭，继续地缮发温暖。因此，人需要懂得惜福。

傻傻的

Woke up quite late today due to 2 consecutively nights with lack of sleep. Went off to grandma's place to pass the gifts I bought from China and also played mahjong (been itching to play for quite some time) Quite glad that grandma is delighted and beaming with joy when she saw the gift. Moments like these are worth almost anything. Had a light dinner and watched AUSTRALIA.

Expected it to be a long movie but not that long, probably because of the long advertisement before the movie. However, I guess the movie makes AUSTRALIA an attractive and mysterious place. Was exclaiming how beautiful the scenes are and this has always been no.1 on the list of places I'wud love to visit. I was wondering, probably both Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman are Aussie and so they were chosen to act in this movie, and this movie has gave me a different side of Hugh Jackman, that instead of his huge muscular body and the rage he has always been carrying since X-men, he can act in a sentimental and romantic set. On the other hand, Nicole just 'wow' me with how nice her clothes are and how she can appear perfectly well in the show. (The role is a bit bimbotic I guess)

Sadistic that I may be, I was laughing my heart out when the kangar that Nicole was admiring got shot. =X

我不会再傻傻了。 =)

Looking back

The lesson from Lot's wife, whom looked back and became a pillar of salt, always remind me of what is like to look into the future instead of dwelling in the past. However, I do think that by looking back, will I be able to get a better grip of what I desire in the future and eliminate the unnecessary. This is exceptionally important for me, for I have the memory of a goldfish, if I forget, I really do.

January: Start of a brand new school term. Nothing really special. I was glad to be able to get back to school.

February: Broken up, which make me wonder if long term relationship is possible. (well now I know, it does exist but it doesn't come easy) I was in a pretty bad shape, because of dad's operation and financial burden that I carry. All just simply happened at the same time. (Great..)

March: Still dwelling over it, but realise that friends are the one that are more important, thanks khoon and sy to be there when i needed them.

April: Exams approaching while I started to date again. Turns out that they are not really suitable. (Am i the one with the problem?) And I do realise that I like older ones.

May: Exam liao. Worrying over the financial stuff in the family, emo period peaks..

June: Went to BKK for long awaited shopping and sightseeing. Quite proud of myself for being able to plan and organise the trip from scratch and with the help of friends. Went for ICT to slack the time off.

July: Continue teaching my 3 kids tuition.

August: School term starts, dad's stuff started to stabilise. less medicine needed = less money.

September: Decided to go for SEP and started the tiring yet unavoidable planning and mapping of modules. Really thrilled to know a lot of new friends along the way in the course of the lessons, such as Bahasa Indon and Chem lecture, namely tutorial girl and also Peter, Janice, Kenny and gang. (not forgetting wan rong who has really incredible insights to everything)

October: Stress time for tuition kids since it is the O levels. Work pile up and I could cope. Dad started on new medicine and is worrying me. Weekend mahjong at grandma's still continue though. Finally confirmed going for CHIP.

November: Exam time soon. Nothing much going on other than going out a lot more with friends and family.

December: Go on CHIP. Visited many places of interest in China. Had my first experience of snow skiing and sustaining in an environment of -20 degree of lower. Not forgetting knowing new friends along the way, who may share the different passions as I do, for food, for photography or simply for little nyonya. =) Had a great time for the last day of this year and do hope for better in this already arrived new year.

As for what I told khoon and SY, to hell with New year resolutions, Just hope that everyone is contented and happy with who they are and what they already have. Something that I cant get enough would be health =)