I do realize that I'm doing much lesser than what I used to do in the past. I was the know-all-do-all guy, where I would go jogging in the morning and buy breakfast for the family, run errands like getting the newspaper or groceries readily without procrastination. I could spend more time concentrating on work and make sure that things are still in control.
I do realize that the furthest part that is within our control is just the tip of our nose, or other parts that is longer, like feet, as told by Peter. I was so caught up in wanting more, to be able to explore more of US, be able to do touristy stuff like others. Unknowingly, I found myself trapped in a phase where I was competing with others, and not focusing on the experience itself. I change my mindset after that but at the same time, I know that when you want something bad enough, you go all out to get it. For instance, I left a day out just for visiting UCLA, Chinatown, Hollywood and the Getty Center, just because I really want to.
I do realize that sometimes, I would feel that when I don't want or can't get something, I wish that others will fail to get it. This is extremely selfish and I don't like that feeling. I have to gradually change that thinking. =)
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
2 x 0 = 1 x 0
This is definitely not an emo post. As a matter of fact, I'm in a good mood right now, after regaining black hair and a warm and long shower. However, it is going to be chunky, and occasionally overbearing. By the way, I'm back from an unannounced blogging hiatus, which I can't remember the reason for its occurrence.
The first thing that came to my mind was this incident. I feel sympathetic towards people who are slightly bigger in size than others, because I was once them. I understand how it feels to be looked at in a different way and when people give you names. I have a couple of those, mostly associated with something big, like pigs, sweet potatoes and people do assume that these people tend to have lower IQ and act clumsily and stupidly. Not only do they have to deal with those piercing looks, they suffer from low self-esteem and self-confidence. Sometimes, not even willing to take photos or go out. They try not to create a commotion and keep a low profile. However, I came to a realization recently. It is within our control to do something about weight management, especially when we are determined. So, my view on this kind of changed.
I was in the bus, and as usual, people would sit alone, leaving the other seat untaken. I was choosing a seat. My requirement for a good seat are as follows: (1) The person sitting beside does not have any odor like cigarette smoke or perspiration. (2) The seat is closer to the exit (3) There is good ventilation. Here's my new improvised requirement. (4) Person sitting beside does not take up more than one seat. For the last few days, I was disturbed by how the person beside's butt was seeping into the next seat, leaving only about 1/2 the seat left. Furthermore, when they want to move to the exit, they have bigger motions and block the passageway. If everyone in the bus is smaller in size, probably it would be a better journey to some.
The second thing came to my mind right when I looked up into the sky as I was walking home just now, thinking about how I missed watching the big clear sky back in San Diego. Things were much different there. I remembered how I told people that I spend a lot of time watching the sky because I know very well that it is a privilege to us, the little people in Singapore. Talking about broad horizon, big sky, we do find out how small but complicated we are, that we are so complexed that perhaps only God is able to sort us out. When i say complex, i mean in terms of behavior, physical changes, socialization, habitus and many factors that attributed to who we are. There are those who want changes so much while there are those who like being who they are. Regarding contentment, everything seems never enough, which leads to utility and scarcity of resources. Time is limited, life is short, and people are unpredictable. Complications are.. never simplified.
I looked at the sky and looked back at myself, smiled, and walked on. Because life is wonderful because of the uncertainties and the wide opportunities.
The first thing that came to my mind was this incident. I feel sympathetic towards people who are slightly bigger in size than others, because I was once them. I understand how it feels to be looked at in a different way and when people give you names. I have a couple of those, mostly associated with something big, like pigs, sweet potatoes and people do assume that these people tend to have lower IQ and act clumsily and stupidly. Not only do they have to deal with those piercing looks, they suffer from low self-esteem and self-confidence. Sometimes, not even willing to take photos or go out. They try not to create a commotion and keep a low profile. However, I came to a realization recently. It is within our control to do something about weight management, especially when we are determined. So, my view on this kind of changed.
I was in the bus, and as usual, people would sit alone, leaving the other seat untaken. I was choosing a seat. My requirement for a good seat are as follows: (1) The person sitting beside does not have any odor like cigarette smoke or perspiration. (2) The seat is closer to the exit (3) There is good ventilation. Here's my new improvised requirement. (4) Person sitting beside does not take up more than one seat. For the last few days, I was disturbed by how the person beside's butt was seeping into the next seat, leaving only about 1/2 the seat left. Furthermore, when they want to move to the exit, they have bigger motions and block the passageway. If everyone in the bus is smaller in size, probably it would be a better journey to some.
The second thing came to my mind right when I looked up into the sky as I was walking home just now, thinking about how I missed watching the big clear sky back in San Diego. Things were much different there. I remembered how I told people that I spend a lot of time watching the sky because I know very well that it is a privilege to us, the little people in Singapore. Talking about broad horizon, big sky, we do find out how small but complicated we are, that we are so complexed that perhaps only God is able to sort us out. When i say complex, i mean in terms of behavior, physical changes, socialization, habitus and many factors that attributed to who we are. There are those who want changes so much while there are those who like being who they are. Regarding contentment, everything seems never enough, which leads to utility and scarcity of resources. Time is limited, life is short, and people are unpredictable. Complications are.. never simplified.
I looked at the sky and looked back at myself, smiled, and walked on. Because life is wonderful because of the uncertainties and the wide opportunities.
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