I'm Back

我不是背后，我。。回来了！

Glad to be back on this sunny island though I can't stand the warm weather already. Yawn, gonna go to bed soon. Just want to talk about something just before I forget, that I really think i should go overseas more. Well, maybe absence makes the heart grows fonder applies to family too. No matter what, dad 死死要 come and fetch me even though I touched down like 1.30am due to some technical fault which caused us to swap plane. And the house has been tidied up and there are many new up-grades and additions everywhere which I am delighted. And dad bought me a 15RM backpack from his and mum's malacca trip. (Don't think I will use it often (thank god it wasn't expensive) but I was really grateful)

Alright, gonna sleep and tomorrow I shall welcome 2009!

生日快乐

祝我生日快乐。一直都认为没什么人会记得我的生日，毕竟我是多么的渺小，也不重要。但我很感动，不仅有好朋友用手机传简讯给我，还有有心人在facebook寄短讯，也有人寄了电邮过来。收集这么多的祝福，已经是最好的礼物了。更不能忘的还有两个小型的庆祝会。

好吧，希望我的愿望成真，既然每年都是一样的。
只有今年贪心一点，许了多一个愿。

Off i go

The highly anticipated trip is finally here but I'm feeling so 不舍得. Beijing will be cold and well, freezing yet i think it would be a good experience for me to experience birthday and Christmas in another place, another climate. Lets hope the trip is going to be a fruitful and safe one. =]

P/S: Snow white was splendid.

あしたの空 (Tomorrow's sky)

While watching SPEED's music video on Channel MTV,

Mum: 我要看那个。。(she always assume that we will know what she want to watch and we always know, somehow)

Me: 等一下，让我看完这个。她们是我中一中二的时候喜欢的。

Mum: SPEED对吗？(我有吓到，大概是我之前太疯SPEED了，她才会有印象。）她们这么久了还在？

Me: 她们解散了八年，现在又重组了。（顿时她们使我好骄傲哦。）

Mum: 都认不出来了，只有这个还没有变很多。（指着hiroko。）

我的眼泪差一点飙了出来，因为我有太多的回忆是和SPEED一起拥有的。她们复出了，我感动了。

I thought I lost you

Went clubbing.
Played mahjong.
Won money.
Collected my reference letter.
Yawned.
Bought a christmas album.
Watched Bolt.
Ate that different restaurants.
Ate buffet.
Burped.
Visited Science Centre.
Waiting for Snow White.
Listening to Tanya Chua.

This precious week has been well spent, doing things that I enjoy, meeting up with friends and relatives. Even though i still think there isn't enough time, there's always time when i come back i hope.

I found that i did something that contradicted my way of thinking, but yet i have condone its existence, perhaps it is something unavoidable. Something like never say never. Something along the line where love cannot be forced. I believe in sow and reap, that there will be a good ending if one puts in effort into what he or she does. Sadly, I guess this doesn't applies to love. I tried to be a good pleaser, maybe still imperfect and have many flaws, but I did try hard to keep things going. In the end, there still isn't a better half who can give a hug when i feel down. So i realise that if there is no interest, no matter how much you do will go to waste since the other party will not appreciate. I guess everyone will be guilty of this too, having to reject someone cause there is really no interest other than being just friends.

Still listening to Tanya Chua.
Counting down the days to going China.. Just 2 more days.

Issue of Voyeurism

Much joy have been brought into our boring mundane life every since the release of a series of reality television show. From magnificent singing and dancing in "American Idol" to "So you think you can dance" to experiencing the dog-eat-dog world in "The Apprentice" and "Survivor" to the recent entertaining and bitchy ones like "America Next top model" and "I survived a japanese gameshow".

However, this has made many think that looking into people's lives and probing into their matters is something ordinary. This morning, I read the newspaper, at the stomp.sg section. I felt quite disturbed as blog entries of a 10-year old was captured and submitted by someone who just happen to read it. The entry was regarding the kid having to deal with stressful school work and still cope with some housework that the mum fail to do. Another piece of article is a blog entry by a NS-man about his complaint about things he encountered during NS. But isn't blog supposed to be something personal (i mean for friends and family who you know) and not something to be shown to the rest of the world. If that is the case, I am pretty sure that I can come up with a blog newspaper everyday showing interesting entries by various bloggers.

Now, many people own cameras and are able to take photos anytime and anywhere. Hence, anyone can be a paparazzi, and whatever we do can be captured and magnified without us knowing it. So, where's the privacy?

我是 Veron (Oink)

This is the favorite line of the day. Since I have just ended my examination today, I try to plan many programs with friends and family before I go on my China trip. As for today, it is dinner with Pathos group at Settlers' cafe. Thank goodness, we are their first customer despite Man jun for being late for half an hour and that we did not make any reservation. On the way, we were talking about how the examinations are; I feel good that I have been able to relate to them since I am the senior and have been thru' what they have been thru' this semester. Hence, I can tell them my experience, things to watch out for and stuffs like that. And we were commenting about Man Jun being 慢 for everything, since it is already part of her name. This is not her first time late for meet up although Belle reminded her yesterday. Throughout the games, we found that she is slow for quite a bit of things. Another fact is that veron is actually a pig. We played snorata, where each of us has an animal and have to think of a nice name/sound for it. And Jun min actually got a pig and named it "我是 veron". Well, since the name is funny and so easy to remember, Jun min ended up as the loser of the name. It was quite hilarious when we call out "我是 Veron" every now and then during the game.

Well, i truly enjoyed myself and it made me realise one thing. I did want to come out of the hermit crab's shell, and I needed some confidence and effort to organise such outings so that I can stay in touch with friends.

Anyway, didn't want to talk much about examinations because the pressure is there to maintain my CAP but over is over, and that I shouldn't worry about it and see how it goes then. Holidays just started and I already see that I have lots to accomplish, like settling my SEP administration matters and to pack for the trip, and I have yet changed rmb! *yawns* this sucks..

Now, back to 家好月圆.. =]

Energy

Remember the time where you stored up your energy, awaiting for something new to come as you enter a new phase of your life? I remembered, as i was jogging before dinner, how i wish for a change, harboring hopes of falling in love, learning new skills or knowing new friends, as well as getting a well-paid job. i was lucky, i developed my passion for teaching after national service and soon i got bonded and have no worries with my tuition fee and can be financially independent. I have seen so much more, knowing new friends, new language, and toured different countries during the holidays. Then comes falling in love, although i believe in one is able to reap what he or she sows, i tried but nothing really happen. Nevertheless, there are sweet memories to be kept among the pains. Seems like for now, i have been exhausted, so now going to charge up my power, not for a fiery relationship, not something like 'love you till death' or what, just simple relationship, someone who can give warmth and be the first i would turn to when i want to share my joy and woes, my dreams and hopes.

Then just as i was admiring the nice sunset i got blessed with after the jog, a rather disturbing bus ride happened. A bus before mine was doing turning and blocked 2,3 lanes, hence my bus got stopped by the traffic light. As i was alighting, my earphones got pulled out as it was stuck to some guy's bag who refused to budge. And i had to wait quite some time for my turn at the supermarket as the couple got misleaded by the offer for lays potato chips.

Tomorrow is the final paper, then i get what is mine, freedom and the holidays. Gonna meet up with my Pathos people for dinner and hopefully settlers' have space for us. Today's paper went pretty well, even though i wasn't really studying, and was still feeling queasy from alcohol during the party. =]

我海角了

Still have some parts which I don't understand like how come Tomoko fell in love so suddenly with xiao Fan and why the bed scene just happen so abruptly and ended so suddenly too. How is the the grandma and the tin box related to the main characters in the show? And why do we see so little of Shino and Pei Zhen? So many questions!

However, i love the scenes, the greens and the hills. Taiwan indeed is a beautiful place, one of my favorites to visit again and again, culture rich and colorful scenery.

Anyway, we celebrated Chin wei's birthday! So now i am the only one who is still rightfully 21 in the clique, how i love to be 21 every year, not too old for new things and to be adventurous and yet not too young to have a say in what I want, and my freedom of choice. Had lunch at Crystal jade and gave him the sweetest birthday ever after having desserts at Swensens. He could not finish his dessert at all because it was far too sweet! I wish the few of us could have more chance of going out together, chilling, and not have studies talk when we see each other. Alright, time to kill the books.

Spin the CD

Bought mayday's album today, and it is about to make me cry. Starting from the first track, which about missing someone dear, the lyrics are so well written. Afraid of being alone, afraid of being in a quiet place, afraid of friends' care and concern, and most of all, afraid of hearing the person's news. That's how it is like when one tries to forget a person and not miss the person, but end up missing badly though. (I'll try not to miss) And the second track is to learn how to live life your own way, which is something i just formulated while studying world religion. Amazing isn't it? Studying many religions actually helped me attained certain enlightenment. haha.. And for the first paper today, when others are already midway into the exams.. Anyways, after taking it, i realised that i shouldn't have spent so much time to study, since the results will be the same anyway, i tried and i think i can pass, and hopefully it will turn out rather fine. I will work my best for the other 2 cores since they are my last bets and I have more confidence in them as well.

Feel stronger now, so much to accomplish yet so little time. Must hold on to my way of life.

By the way, I need to detox.. too much junk food during exam period!

Terlambat

Spend my weekend with my relatives, had fun and a tiny little bit of guilt for abandoning my beloved clayden (it is an organic chemistry textbook of 5-6cm thickness). We played mahjong and had brunch at 鼎泰丰 @ Paragon at around 10 plus in the morning. After that we went to the marina barrage for sightseeing and took quite a bit of photos of the place and camwhored too. We hit the mahjong table again and awaits for dinner. Grandma cooked curry chicken and vietnamese rice paper roll. Yum Yum. *pat on protruding tummy* And we watched the 45th anniversary show on television. I teared a bit, mixed feelings, joy and also sadness. Joy for how television has impacted my life so much, and I can remember many characters on stage, recall back what happened back then when I was still watching the show. I was touched by how some of the artistes dedicated their lives into showbiz, burning themselves (especially the older generation who have aged alot, or some who has already passed on) for the benefits of the masses. (Of course some are stuck up and proud of themselves for having nothing.) And look at the time! I am still online writing this. I ought to be sleeping. Gonna do some hardcore s.... studying tomorrow morning!

Dead

Spotted this outside the central library while studying..

Intensity

when breaking point comes, small things become intensified and issues that you thought were long gone arise again. My life could have been better, could have been less tough. I always tell people that who and how I am now is because of what I have gone through, and I am sure everyone has their own stories to tell. For example, I have to clean up my room and my home more, since my sis does nothing but to dirty the place. 'LAZY' is smacked in as my family's middle name and I am frustrated cause there is nothing I can do to change it and I am stuck in it. I was nice enough to let her use my laptop and soon after that the wireless network can't be used and she says she has nothing to do with it. Maybe she is telling the truth and maybe I am jinxed. Just because I am having my reading week and not studying, my mum asks me to change all the bed sheets and wash the dishes, while she still enjoys her karaoke and mahjong. Well I don't blame her, but how come they din realise that I have my own things to deal with as well. Although I always show that I am a tough cookie, that doesn't mean i don't crumble. Tomorrow I need to hit the books already, and start to care less. Really care less.

An SMS tells a lot

Yes it's true, although i was laughing about this whole incident, and still felt amused, deep down i feel from my heart that this tells something very important. Basically i received a 'Happy birthday' message that is so generic (okie i am guilty of it also) that you think that it was an auto message sent when the alarm for the day rings (get my idea lar). perhaps the only problem with it is that it is sent far too early, how about one month? puzzled but without hesitation, i replied and asked if the sender have gotten the date wrong. I chuckled when the person claimed that it's the wrong person not the wrong date.

Question. First, if you got it wrong, why don't you admit in the first place since it is so obvious? Is it a pride thing? Second, can imagine what it is like when someone that close to you before actually remember your birthday wrongly? It does tells how important you really are to the person, as important as a misplaced memory. ( Don't ask me about your birthday, you know i have memory as good as a goldfish, P/S they have memory of a freaking long 3 seconds! =o] )Finally, actually i don't really care about it, just that i was alarmed by this incident. If something comes so naturally, it will definitely not be the first time ya..

Anyway this entry serves no purpose to humiliate anyone, just that it is part of my realization of one's easier way out.

Battle begins

Ya.. it is Monday already, and so I shall concentrate on revising for the examinations and play lesser. (apparently I played mj and spent much time structuring this blog) Nevertheless, need to tell myself that Year 2 is the most important part of my studies, more of the CAP part, rather than the interest part. Need to maintain or pull up the CAP to ensure that I can graduate with at least a second upper class. Of course, people might say that just do your best and that will be enough. But the reality hurts as we face the truth, that to a certain extent, this figure is the only thing that measures your academic success. Doing well is not enough, one has to do well enough to be better than others.

Ohh.. We love the system don't we? (puke)

Keeps getting better

Went for dinner with the bi2 group at lucky plaza, it was so embarrassing to mention that we are ibu fanny's students and ask for some discount, without even knowing if they knew her. And it was quite annoying when the crew refused to talk to us in BI and replied using english even when we spoke in BI. The turnout was good, there were altogether 6 of us. Maybe because peter was among us, we were talking about issues that were much more interesting like gender issues, perceptions of love and also sexual orientation. Realise that the group of us were pretty open about these stuff, and we could imagine if some other people were with us, they might not have accepted what we were talking about. Perhaps the hottest issue of the day was SPG, as we spotted many and very much wanted to force janice to be one also.

The group of us actually went into the condom shop to visit and see what are the things sold there, and were amazed by how well decorated the place was and guess what.. a set of skimpy firewoman suit cost nearly 200 bucks. There were a wide array of condoms and lube too, packaged like sweets (I really thought they were until danny told me what they actually are) and we sort of see some homo couples in the shop. After the visit, we went on to acid bar but the places there were crowded. So we decided to go to Clarke Quay via kenny's car.. Woots, super comfortable, and we were enjoying interrogation of peter and talking about a lot of things that can't be talked about in public. In the end, we ended up in a Persian restaurant.. ordered a scoop of ice cream that tasted really special, 2 small pieces of bava clava which has the size of kueh lapis, and danny ordered a drink.. The bill came up to 35 bucks, it is a cut throat! But the belly dancer and the spg couple were a plus point, especially when we were trying to figure out if the spg's boobs were real and admiring how gorgeous her boyfriend was.

Hope exams finish soon and the group of us can meet up again. It was a cooL outing!

Looking good

Had my virgin gym workout alone yesterday, so intimidating it is to be there, since i am doing all the small weights, and walking around aimlessly without a plan. Furthermore, i am skinny with no muscles on me, so outcast. However, it felt good and I think I should continue on it, hence i'm going there tomorrow again during my 2 hour break.

Exams are approaching and actually i need to study for my bahasa indonesia test tomoro and also inorganic test on friday, but feeling lazy right now cause I just went through the oral exam, and what i think of and what i write is in bahasa indonesia, that's so scary. Hopefully the rain ends soon so that i can go for a jog later.

Genesis

when something ends, we need something to kick start. haha.. mine kick start with a cold, sore throat and some cough. tomorrow will be different yar.. gonna be strong and fight well.. where in the past i am not so bothered with how people look at me and be much more optimistic. But in the past i am quite emotionless, maybe now still a bit, where no one can tell whether i am delighted, surprised, happy or sad, a hermit crab who is comfortable with being alone and being lonely, and would not need so much attention. Furthermore, i want to enrich and energize my life and bring happiness to those around me.. anti-emo starts from me.

Two weird dreams

I had a very long nap/sleep/rest on Thursday and Friday because I fell sick and was on medication. It has been a while since I can sleep for long hours without guilt of not doing work or studying when I ought to, and also one of the very rare times where I can dream and actually remember them so vividly, maybe because they all really that weird.

The first dream was about me going on a 2d1n Thailand trip all by myself, and i happen to see my family and relative there, right in some city setting. While I was contemplating whether to travel back home with them or staying in the hotel, I was already on the way back with them. When I reached home, then I realized all my baggage are in my hotel and I haven't shop and tour enough, and so everything will become a wasted trip~ Then I was worried, about whether should I get my dad to send me back to the hotel, which would take a long long time, or should I buy an air ticket and fly back, but that would be expensive and not worth it at all. Just then, I thought i should wake up from such trauma.

After drinking water and a toilet break, I went back to sleep and there came the second dream. I was out with a secondary school classmate, (i can still remember her name and how she looks like), let's call her JJ. So we were outside, I can't remember what we did, but in the end we sort of got together and I think we were kissing. And everything was so weird. Firstly, me and this girl whom I have not seen for very long. Secondly, kissing a girl.. yes! a girl! and also, I can't even make out what happened till we did that. I thought it was scarier than the first dream and woke up immediately after that.

Well, i do wonder if having dreams equal to a good sleep or not..