I do realize that I'm doing much lesser than what I used to do in the past. I was the know-all-do-all guy, where I would go jogging in the morning and buy breakfast for the family, run errands like getting the newspaper or groceries readily without procrastination. I could spend more time concentrating on work and make sure that things are still in control.
I do realize that the furthest part that is within our control is just the tip of our nose, or other parts that is longer, like feet, as told by Peter. I was so caught up in wanting more, to be able to explore more of US, be able to do touristy stuff like others. Unknowingly, I found myself trapped in a phase where I was competing with others, and not focusing on the experience itself. I change my mindset after that but at the same time, I know that when you want something bad enough, you go all out to get it. For instance, I left a day out just for visiting UCLA, Chinatown, Hollywood and the Getty Center, just because I really want to.
I do realize that sometimes, I would feel that when I don't want or can't get something, I wish that others will fail to get it. This is extremely selfish and I don't like that feeling. I have to gradually change that thinking. =)
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
2 x 0 = 1 x 0
This is definitely not an emo post. As a matter of fact, I'm in a good mood right now, after regaining black hair and a warm and long shower. However, it is going to be chunky, and occasionally overbearing. By the way, I'm back from an unannounced blogging hiatus, which I can't remember the reason for its occurrence.
The first thing that came to my mind was this incident. I feel sympathetic towards people who are slightly bigger in size than others, because I was once them. I understand how it feels to be looked at in a different way and when people give you names. I have a couple of those, mostly associated with something big, like pigs, sweet potatoes and people do assume that these people tend to have lower IQ and act clumsily and stupidly. Not only do they have to deal with those piercing looks, they suffer from low self-esteem and self-confidence. Sometimes, not even willing to take photos or go out. They try not to create a commotion and keep a low profile. However, I came to a realization recently. It is within our control to do something about weight management, especially when we are determined. So, my view on this kind of changed.
I was in the bus, and as usual, people would sit alone, leaving the other seat untaken. I was choosing a seat. My requirement for a good seat are as follows: (1) The person sitting beside does not have any odor like cigarette smoke or perspiration. (2) The seat is closer to the exit (3) There is good ventilation. Here's my new improvised requirement. (4) Person sitting beside does not take up more than one seat. For the last few days, I was disturbed by how the person beside's butt was seeping into the next seat, leaving only about 1/2 the seat left. Furthermore, when they want to move to the exit, they have bigger motions and block the passageway. If everyone in the bus is smaller in size, probably it would be a better journey to some.
The second thing came to my mind right when I looked up into the sky as I was walking home just now, thinking about how I missed watching the big clear sky back in San Diego. Things were much different there. I remembered how I told people that I spend a lot of time watching the sky because I know very well that it is a privilege to us, the little people in Singapore. Talking about broad horizon, big sky, we do find out how small but complicated we are, that we are so complexed that perhaps only God is able to sort us out. When i say complex, i mean in terms of behavior, physical changes, socialization, habitus and many factors that attributed to who we are. There are those who want changes so much while there are those who like being who they are. Regarding contentment, everything seems never enough, which leads to utility and scarcity of resources. Time is limited, life is short, and people are unpredictable. Complications are.. never simplified.
I looked at the sky and looked back at myself, smiled, and walked on. Because life is wonderful because of the uncertainties and the wide opportunities.
The first thing that came to my mind was this incident. I feel sympathetic towards people who are slightly bigger in size than others, because I was once them. I understand how it feels to be looked at in a different way and when people give you names. I have a couple of those, mostly associated with something big, like pigs, sweet potatoes and people do assume that these people tend to have lower IQ and act clumsily and stupidly. Not only do they have to deal with those piercing looks, they suffer from low self-esteem and self-confidence. Sometimes, not even willing to take photos or go out. They try not to create a commotion and keep a low profile. However, I came to a realization recently. It is within our control to do something about weight management, especially when we are determined. So, my view on this kind of changed.
I was in the bus, and as usual, people would sit alone, leaving the other seat untaken. I was choosing a seat. My requirement for a good seat are as follows: (1) The person sitting beside does not have any odor like cigarette smoke or perspiration. (2) The seat is closer to the exit (3) There is good ventilation. Here's my new improvised requirement. (4) Person sitting beside does not take up more than one seat. For the last few days, I was disturbed by how the person beside's butt was seeping into the next seat, leaving only about 1/2 the seat left. Furthermore, when they want to move to the exit, they have bigger motions and block the passageway. If everyone in the bus is smaller in size, probably it would be a better journey to some.
The second thing came to my mind right when I looked up into the sky as I was walking home just now, thinking about how I missed watching the big clear sky back in San Diego. Things were much different there. I remembered how I told people that I spend a lot of time watching the sky because I know very well that it is a privilege to us, the little people in Singapore. Talking about broad horizon, big sky, we do find out how small but complicated we are, that we are so complexed that perhaps only God is able to sort us out. When i say complex, i mean in terms of behavior, physical changes, socialization, habitus and many factors that attributed to who we are. There are those who want changes so much while there are those who like being who they are. Regarding contentment, everything seems never enough, which leads to utility and scarcity of resources. Time is limited, life is short, and people are unpredictable. Complications are.. never simplified.
I looked at the sky and looked back at myself, smiled, and walked on. Because life is wonderful because of the uncertainties and the wide opportunities.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Inching
"I love Love, I love being in Love.
I don't care what it does to me."
Things are good, things are bad. One great news is that I received two of my mid-term papers, particularly 'EDS126 - Educational Organization and Sociology" and "CHEM149A - Environmental Chemistry". Well, the first one was essay-based, a 100 marks which makes up 40% of that class. Really thank God and feel elated for getting 96 marks, because writing essay is never something I'm good at. This paper means much more to me, in boosting my confidence in writing, and to feel comfortable with my writing style. For the latter class, I got 41/45 for the mid-term, which makes up 20% of the class. Although I still worry for the organic mechanism class, I'm happy for doing well for the other two classes. Hopefully, the good grades will perpetuates till the end of the quarter.
Another great thing that happened was that I'm starting to be more pro-active about my activities in SD, and do whatever I wish to do here. I gain control of what I want to do. Made me feel better. In a way, I lowered my expectations for others and raised my expectations for myself. Bad thing is that you can't make the world turn for you, can't make everyone like you as a person, but best you could do is to like yourself, to be comfortable with who you are, and how you see yourself. In short, self-confidence.
There were awkward moments too, but I think I shall leave it as that and pray about it.
I don't care what it does to me."
Things are good, things are bad. One great news is that I received two of my mid-term papers, particularly 'EDS126 - Educational Organization and Sociology" and "CHEM149A - Environmental Chemistry". Well, the first one was essay-based, a 100 marks which makes up 40% of that class. Really thank God and feel elated for getting 96 marks, because writing essay is never something I'm good at. This paper means much more to me, in boosting my confidence in writing, and to feel comfortable with my writing style. For the latter class, I got 41/45 for the mid-term, which makes up 20% of the class. Although I still worry for the organic mechanism class, I'm happy for doing well for the other two classes. Hopefully, the good grades will perpetuates till the end of the quarter.
Another great thing that happened was that I'm starting to be more pro-active about my activities in SD, and do whatever I wish to do here. I gain control of what I want to do. Made me feel better. In a way, I lowered my expectations for others and raised my expectations for myself. Bad thing is that you can't make the world turn for you, can't make everyone like you as a person, but best you could do is to like yourself, to be comfortable with who you are, and how you see yourself. In short, self-confidence.
There were awkward moments too, but I think I shall leave it as that and pray about it.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Heart After You
Create in me a new heart,
One that follows You.
Place in me a deep desire,
to know You as I know.
Set my feet in Your way,
To live worthy of Your call.
Draw me near to You Lord,
Every single day.
I just want to be more like You,
Walk with You beside me,
Lord, won't you be my guide,
Place your heart inside my soul,
A heart that's ever true,
One's that after you.
One that follows You.
Place in me a deep desire,
to know You as I know.
Set my feet in Your way,
To live worthy of Your call.
Draw me near to You Lord,
Every single day.
I just want to be more like You,
Walk with You beside me,
Lord, won't you be my guide,
Place your heart inside my soul,
A heart that's ever true,
One's that after you.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Two weeks into school
Time flies while you are having fun. I'm sure I did have fun and hope that time passes slowly while I'm at it. I feel that God has opened doors to many possibilities in my life. The thought of how I miraculously take up bahasa indonesia and know my room mate Peter by chance, and coming to San Diego for exchange and eventually get acquainted with many good friends is more than enough to convince me that it is not any happenstance or coincidence. And I know very well it was God's plan that I'm here, exposing me to things I always wanted in my life, the independence and freedom to decide the path for myself, to boost my self-confidence, and to become someone who doesn't live to live up to people expectations, but to do things just because I want to and not obliged to. In one way or the other, I've become a stronger and better person, that I know where my weakness lies, and to know what I want in life. One thing for sure, I've once again, developed the thirst for education and the words of God. Though i know the need for paper chase as the paper is credential and not a proof of education, yet it is important to be equipped with knowledge and skill, which proves to be useful in a long run. Well, I hope I can be less anxious and calculative about some things, and be less judgmental about people behaviors. Indeed, I think my God is great, because He love everyone so much that he sacrificed Himself on the cross.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
On my Own
So I was on my own for the past few days, so I had to cook my own lunch and dinner, and go tour around on my own. Hence, on Monday i went downtown to take a look at Westfield Horton Plaza, which feels like an UTC that is stacked upwards into a mall. Then I walked around aimlessly till I reach the Chinese History Museum which is closed on Monday. Tsk, so I walked back into downtown area and came by this grocery show that sell extremely cheap stuff. I saw a box of soyjoy selling at 1.59 USD. Something must be wrong about this shop I thought, soyjoy could not be that cheap. I flipped the box over and to my horror, the soyjoy has expired since March this year, a total of six months overdue! This aroused my interest and suspicion about this place. And so I found out, many things on sale are either expired or going to expire, hence the cheap price. And all these appeal to the homeless and jobless people who roam around downtown area.
As for today, I went to Balboa park again. Other than paying for the SDMA, San Diego Museum of Art, which is 8 USD, the rest, like the Mingei International Museum, Timken museum for the art and Museum of man are free admission. I was intrigued by the art collection in SDMA, especially the oceanic/asian/american art pieces, where I can differentiate between them and tell the culture and way of life by looking at the materials use, and I can tell about the beliefs about the people too. Like looking at statues of Guan Yin when he was still in his masculine self. I like one particular painting called 'the drummer boy' which has a lot of story behind it. In the painting, a boy was carried on the shoulder of another man and was playing his drum. The boy has a wound on his leg. On the foreground I can see some people pulling one another, helping each other, to those that are injured. While in the background, there were soldiers marching. This makes me ponder and imagine about the war times, where the boy has to cheer the troop on as they go on fighting. During times of unrest, people are struggling to get by and survive. This becomes a complete story.
Alright, tomorrow is orientation day =) I miss Peter and Mandy. tsk
As for today, I went to Balboa park again. Other than paying for the SDMA, San Diego Museum of Art, which is 8 USD, the rest, like the Mingei International Museum, Timken museum for the art and Museum of man are free admission. I was intrigued by the art collection in SDMA, especially the oceanic/asian/american art pieces, where I can differentiate between them and tell the culture and way of life by looking at the materials use, and I can tell about the beliefs about the people too. Like looking at statues of Guan Yin when he was still in his masculine self. I like one particular painting called 'the drummer boy' which has a lot of story behind it. In the painting, a boy was carried on the shoulder of another man and was playing his drum. The boy has a wound on his leg. On the foreground I can see some people pulling one another, helping each other, to those that are injured. While in the background, there were soldiers marching. This makes me ponder and imagine about the war times, where the boy has to cheer the troop on as they go on fighting. During times of unrest, people are struggling to get by and survive. This becomes a complete story.
Alright, tomorrow is orientation day =) I miss Peter and Mandy. tsk
Monday, September 14, 2009
You gotta pay me to do that
Went out with a new found friend, David, who is well-traveled, friendly and accommodating. We were supposed to go downtown to catch the exhibition at the Museum of Contemporary Art (MCA) at 12.30 pm. To my horror, the express bus 150 does not operate during the weekend and so I would have to take bus 30 which takes an hour or more to get to downtown. Hence I text him and said that I would be very late. A minute later, he called back and said that he could fetch me since he's driving, which is great as it would save time. So we got there, and what a disappointment, I pinned high hopes on MCA, thinking that it would be big and grand, having many exhibits. In the end, we walked to seaport village, which happens to have an art carnival.
We then see the art that we are familiar with. There are many motivated and enthusiastic artists who are selling their work pieces. They are of different forms, metallic sculpture, oil paintings, acrylic paintings, clay figurines, asian-infused art pieces and much more. There are booths that promote theater and musical stuff too. The best part was that, both David and I won a free ticket on the seal tour worth 32 USD each. Fortunately I did not buy the ticket when I visited Old town the other time. So we finished walking around (midway museum) and boarded the final seal tour at 5pm. It was an hour and a half ride, most of it was boring, and cold, due to the chilly strong winds, until the part where we get to see the seals and pelicans in the middle of the ocean, which comes with a fishy smell. So both of us agree that we will not pay to go for such tours, and they have to pay us for us to tour. haha.
Anyway, thanks David for sending me back and inviting me to go Las Vegas with him in October. Hopefully I'll be able to go with him.
We then see the art that we are familiar with. There are many motivated and enthusiastic artists who are selling their work pieces. They are of different forms, metallic sculpture, oil paintings, acrylic paintings, clay figurines, asian-infused art pieces and much more. There are booths that promote theater and musical stuff too. The best part was that, both David and I won a free ticket on the seal tour worth 32 USD each. Fortunately I did not buy the ticket when I visited Old town the other time. So we finished walking around (midway museum) and boarded the final seal tour at 5pm. It was an hour and a half ride, most of it was boring, and cold, due to the chilly strong winds, until the part where we get to see the seals and pelicans in the middle of the ocean, which comes with a fishy smell. So both of us agree that we will not pay to go for such tours, and they have to pay us for us to tour. haha.
Anyway, thanks David for sending me back and inviting me to go Las Vegas with him in October. Hopefully I'll be able to go with him.
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