The bridge lies in the middle,
shaking, but still i proceed on.
I try to grip tightly to the railings,
yet i see myself tripping.
It's still a long way ahead,
and never like a piece of cake.
As before the rocks were firm,
yet now it's moving.
Adjusting I thought it was,
till now the answer I haven't found.
Walk on, I thought,
Maybe not, the rock says.
Left out of the circle,
like a person without a shadow.
Looking for something,
that many others take for granted.
I press on, hold on.
Although the inside is bleeding.
Profusely than ever I hope,
that the bridge brings me to my destination.
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
100th post
Writing for my own pleasure, something for myself to look upon and laugh about as I reminisce. 'Contentment', this word keeps coming to me for the last few hours, including a sweet greeting card which came all the way from Los Angeles. Greed is something that grows and dwells inside each person's heart. Undeniably, it can be tangible, intangible, can be something big or something small. Even coveting somebody's food is a sign of discontentment. I remember telling myself, that I shall not be as superficial as many others, who are only concerned with the grades, and oblivious to many other purposes of education. I then found myself in a trance, like a schrodinger's cat, that you are neither here nor there.
Now i truly understand what it means by no pain no gain and also that it doesn't mean that success definitely comes when one put in the effort. Much hard work put into a project not necessarily bring good grade. I have to realize that there are things that I cannot control. If it is meant to be, God will make it come to pass, and of course, I myself will have to do what it takes, to do my best.
I did not want to make this some emo-melancholic entry, but just want to reaffirm my stand of not contradicting my own view and to understand how my mind and heart works and what I am motivated by.
As such, sometimes I can't be too sure of how I would react to things, since circumstances do happen.
Now i truly understand what it means by no pain no gain and also that it doesn't mean that success definitely comes when one put in the effort. Much hard work put into a project not necessarily bring good grade. I have to realize that there are things that I cannot control. If it is meant to be, God will make it come to pass, and of course, I myself will have to do what it takes, to do my best.
I did not want to make this some emo-melancholic entry, but just want to reaffirm my stand of not contradicting my own view and to understand how my mind and heart works and what I am motivated by.
As such, sometimes I can't be too sure of how I would react to things, since circumstances do happen.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
the truth is.
I'm hooked onto Lady Gaga (ever since Just Dance), her unique persona caught me by surprise, thinking how she has the confidence to convince others to accept the existence of such a person in this discriminating madness. Undeniably, even I myself guilty, I despise, talk bad things behind people's back. It has become such a habitus, that it seems logically right to be a topic initiator, like "I think she's ugly in this outfit." It's not like people can't have opinions, just that comments are meant to be constructive, and edifying, not of demolition. Making others look bad doesn't make me better. Maybe it does make me feel entertained, like two friends gossiping over tea. However, what does that really mean? How can that be justified? Conclusion: opinions should only form until you experience it. You can't know the real truth by listening to people, as people tend to be biased, both consciously and sub-consciously.
Oh well, my main point is that, I am in awe of Gaga's self-confidence and her strong purpose in creating that persona. And I seriously want to do less of the non-edifying comments, which brings nothing but emptiness. Perhaps, not to judge people just thru' the eyes of others. I should also not procrastinate and do things without a purpose.
Oh well, my main point is that, I am in awe of Gaga's self-confidence and her strong purpose in creating that persona. And I seriously want to do less of the non-edifying comments, which brings nothing but emptiness. Perhaps, not to judge people just thru' the eyes of others. I should also not procrastinate and do things without a purpose.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Selfish vs Selfless
I do realize that I'm doing much lesser than what I used to do in the past. I was the know-all-do-all guy, where I would go jogging in the morning and buy breakfast for the family, run errands like getting the newspaper or groceries readily without procrastination. I could spend more time concentrating on work and make sure that things are still in control.
I do realize that the furthest part that is within our control is just the tip of our nose, or other parts that is longer, like feet, as told by Peter. I was so caught up in wanting more, to be able to explore more of US, be able to do touristy stuff like others. Unknowingly, I found myself trapped in a phase where I was competing with others, and not focusing on the experience itself. I change my mindset after that but at the same time, I know that when you want something bad enough, you go all out to get it. For instance, I left a day out just for visiting UCLA, Chinatown, Hollywood and the Getty Center, just because I really want to.
I do realize that sometimes, I would feel that when I don't want or can't get something, I wish that others will fail to get it. This is extremely selfish and I don't like that feeling. I have to gradually change that thinking. =)
I do realize that the furthest part that is within our control is just the tip of our nose, or other parts that is longer, like feet, as told by Peter. I was so caught up in wanting more, to be able to explore more of US, be able to do touristy stuff like others. Unknowingly, I found myself trapped in a phase where I was competing with others, and not focusing on the experience itself. I change my mindset after that but at the same time, I know that when you want something bad enough, you go all out to get it. For instance, I left a day out just for visiting UCLA, Chinatown, Hollywood and the Getty Center, just because I really want to.
I do realize that sometimes, I would feel that when I don't want or can't get something, I wish that others will fail to get it. This is extremely selfish and I don't like that feeling. I have to gradually change that thinking. =)
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
2 x 0 = 1 x 0
This is definitely not an emo post. As a matter of fact, I'm in a good mood right now, after regaining black hair and a warm and long shower. However, it is going to be chunky, and occasionally overbearing. By the way, I'm back from an unannounced blogging hiatus, which I can't remember the reason for its occurrence.
The first thing that came to my mind was this incident. I feel sympathetic towards people who are slightly bigger in size than others, because I was once them. I understand how it feels to be looked at in a different way and when people give you names. I have a couple of those, mostly associated with something big, like pigs, sweet potatoes and people do assume that these people tend to have lower IQ and act clumsily and stupidly. Not only do they have to deal with those piercing looks, they suffer from low self-esteem and self-confidence. Sometimes, not even willing to take photos or go out. They try not to create a commotion and keep a low profile. However, I came to a realization recently. It is within our control to do something about weight management, especially when we are determined. So, my view on this kind of changed.
I was in the bus, and as usual, people would sit alone, leaving the other seat untaken. I was choosing a seat. My requirement for a good seat are as follows: (1) The person sitting beside does not have any odor like cigarette smoke or perspiration. (2) The seat is closer to the exit (3) There is good ventilation. Here's my new improvised requirement. (4) Person sitting beside does not take up more than one seat. For the last few days, I was disturbed by how the person beside's butt was seeping into the next seat, leaving only about 1/2 the seat left. Furthermore, when they want to move to the exit, they have bigger motions and block the passageway. If everyone in the bus is smaller in size, probably it would be a better journey to some.
The second thing came to my mind right when I looked up into the sky as I was walking home just now, thinking about how I missed watching the big clear sky back in San Diego. Things were much different there. I remembered how I told people that I spend a lot of time watching the sky because I know very well that it is a privilege to us, the little people in Singapore. Talking about broad horizon, big sky, we do find out how small but complicated we are, that we are so complexed that perhaps only God is able to sort us out. When i say complex, i mean in terms of behavior, physical changes, socialization, habitus and many factors that attributed to who we are. There are those who want changes so much while there are those who like being who they are. Regarding contentment, everything seems never enough, which leads to utility and scarcity of resources. Time is limited, life is short, and people are unpredictable. Complications are.. never simplified.
I looked at the sky and looked back at myself, smiled, and walked on. Because life is wonderful because of the uncertainties and the wide opportunities.
The first thing that came to my mind was this incident. I feel sympathetic towards people who are slightly bigger in size than others, because I was once them. I understand how it feels to be looked at in a different way and when people give you names. I have a couple of those, mostly associated with something big, like pigs, sweet potatoes and people do assume that these people tend to have lower IQ and act clumsily and stupidly. Not only do they have to deal with those piercing looks, they suffer from low self-esteem and self-confidence. Sometimes, not even willing to take photos or go out. They try not to create a commotion and keep a low profile. However, I came to a realization recently. It is within our control to do something about weight management, especially when we are determined. So, my view on this kind of changed.
I was in the bus, and as usual, people would sit alone, leaving the other seat untaken. I was choosing a seat. My requirement for a good seat are as follows: (1) The person sitting beside does not have any odor like cigarette smoke or perspiration. (2) The seat is closer to the exit (3) There is good ventilation. Here's my new improvised requirement. (4) Person sitting beside does not take up more than one seat. For the last few days, I was disturbed by how the person beside's butt was seeping into the next seat, leaving only about 1/2 the seat left. Furthermore, when they want to move to the exit, they have bigger motions and block the passageway. If everyone in the bus is smaller in size, probably it would be a better journey to some.
The second thing came to my mind right when I looked up into the sky as I was walking home just now, thinking about how I missed watching the big clear sky back in San Diego. Things were much different there. I remembered how I told people that I spend a lot of time watching the sky because I know very well that it is a privilege to us, the little people in Singapore. Talking about broad horizon, big sky, we do find out how small but complicated we are, that we are so complexed that perhaps only God is able to sort us out. When i say complex, i mean in terms of behavior, physical changes, socialization, habitus and many factors that attributed to who we are. There are those who want changes so much while there are those who like being who they are. Regarding contentment, everything seems never enough, which leads to utility and scarcity of resources. Time is limited, life is short, and people are unpredictable. Complications are.. never simplified.
I looked at the sky and looked back at myself, smiled, and walked on. Because life is wonderful because of the uncertainties and the wide opportunities.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
The entropy of life
The inconvenient and inevitable truth explains that one can only age with time, which is an irreversible process. The system in our body attempts to keep things in balance, through complicated processes in the nervous system, digestive system, the citrus acid cycle, concerning the ATPs and all. Entropy is a measure of disorderness in a body, therefore having a linear relationship with the amount of disorderness. In this case, in the way that our body system responds, in keeping things in order, the amount of entropy in a body should be decreased, and suggests that we should not age. Unfortunately, the other processes happening simultaneously in sync with those entropy decreasing processes are those that increases entropy, at a greater extent, outweighing the former. As a result, entropy increases and all things grow old.
Recently this amount of entropy caught up with me. While I stood up swiftly after squatting down for some time, I felt slightly dizzy and needed a few moments to regain balance, which hasn't happen to me before.
Well, my conclusion to this is more positive than being sarcastic. The time is ours to take, since whether or not, time still passes. Since we cannot decrease entropy (at least for now), we have better made the entropy increased be worth it, by learning and infusing more, seeing the world and all, which is a reason why I encouraged MJ to take up Urops as well.
Recently this amount of entropy caught up with me. While I stood up swiftly after squatting down for some time, I felt slightly dizzy and needed a few moments to regain balance, which hasn't happen to me before.
Well, my conclusion to this is more positive than being sarcastic. The time is ours to take, since whether or not, time still passes. Since we cannot decrease entropy (at least for now), we have better made the entropy increased be worth it, by learning and infusing more, seeing the world and all, which is a reason why I encouraged MJ to take up Urops as well.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
识时务者为俊杰
Some people just fail to understand.
When people grow older, they tend to think deeper into things and result in more unwanted problems, which could have been avoided. And hence, we walk in circles, like a dog chasing its own tail, in a never-ending process, which makes you stop listening to those who care, shutting yourself out from the world.
Well, I don't care about those who did, as long as I do things my way, and I don't regret.
I believe that people are born innocent and uncorrupted. Though some hearts can be deceptive. I am contradictory, an oxymoron.
I just want to be ME.
When people grow older, they tend to think deeper into things and result in more unwanted problems, which could have been avoided. And hence, we walk in circles, like a dog chasing its own tail, in a never-ending process, which makes you stop listening to those who care, shutting yourself out from the world.
Well, I don't care about those who did, as long as I do things my way, and I don't regret.
I believe that people are born innocent and uncorrupted. Though some hearts can be deceptive. I am contradictory, an oxymoron.
I just want to be ME.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Life in Technicolor
When I stop and ponder, I realize that I am just another paper chaser, fitting into the norm, working my way through problems. But hey, ain't life supposed to be like this? Some people want to make it big, pursue till the end to seek what they want, while some just enjoy the little things in life, going through daily lives as a commoner. I happen to be the latter, as most of the time, I love to sit at the back seat, looking at how things progress. I like things to happen slowly as I enjoy process rather than the result. And yes, it would be good if it comes with results too.
I have been working and studying for the past weeks, and it had never been more meaningful for me to enjoy doing laboratory work again, even if it takes pains to synthesize and analyze my products. I see that I was going through motions for the last two years, trying hard to complete the practical work and examinations without understanding much theories hidden within. Only this semester, I do my own research, exploring Chemistry with a whole new perspective. I am proud of myself for doing that, and I do hope it shows in the results too. However, I already learnt much about myself and more about what I do not know.
I confidently feel that time was well spent, whether it was with my love ones, earning my bread and butter, or juggling with lab reports, I've accomplished so much more, in dealing with problems decisively, and to be more vocal and expressive. It feels enriching and wholesome. Hence, life is in technicolor, decided by our attitudes, and not how much we have physically.
With that, I look forward to the adventure of my own, and will have the best of both worlds when that time arrive.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Spreading your bread with honey
Life has been sweet. I was busy working, busy doing my lab module, busy planning for the coming trip, and busy with knowing myself and coming close to what I yearn for. It seems that I am heading there and I am thrilled. (Okie I don't sound like that but I really am, maybe because I din have enough sleep and i have an ulcer which hurts badly)
So things are going smoothly, and so, bread and honey just comes to mind, bread as the usual common stuff and the honey which makes ordinary becomes extraordinary. I love life alot.
So things are going smoothly, and so, bread and honey just comes to mind, bread as the usual common stuff and the honey which makes ordinary becomes extraordinary. I love life alot.
Monday, May 11, 2009
SPEED - S.P.D.
How can I ever miss this spectacular PV? Kudos to SPEED for yet another magnificent performance.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Ridiculous
I was laughing away (shake head) as I was reading the newspaper, regarding netizens' comments on the final episode of the 'Ping Pong show'. Many feel that it is wrong to show that one of the girls use her body to achieve her goals, both fame and fortune. It also shows that the girl who refuses so, was then made handicapped, as her arm was broken by the baddies. Well, if it is the show, doesn't the scriptwriter has a say to how he or she wants the show to be? In the first place, this show wasn't advertised as some sort of motivating show, and definitely isn't one of the those that claim to teach moral values. If we can't have any bad people in a show, then what's the show about? Of course in this world we are in, there are people who are corrupted and people who are good. People who have lived long enough will understand that life isn't that fair and hence, being morally right in the show doesn't mean you have a good life. For instance, how come no one says that it is very wrong for Yuzhu (Little Nonya), who has been doing good deeds throughout, to suffer an ill fate? (Glad she did, if not dear Joanne would not become Best Actress)
Okie, I have digressed. What I feel is that, a writer should not be restricted when it comes to writing. Period.
Okie, I have digressed. What I feel is that, a writer should not be restricted when it comes to writing. Period.
Labour Day
Mayday has passed! To many, it is just a public holiday = more free time, like how it applies to me, like more time to spend with people around me, or for plain studying for the examinations. In short, Extra time spent to do things that you didn't have time to do. It seems that public holiday that we aren't interested in are not of our concern, it simply equates to free time. Pretty much apply to our daily life, isn't it?
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Goodbye Eddie
Always taken as the neighbourhood slut, the one who enjoys the company of men, and the one who doesn't have a true friend from Wisteria lane. However, she is more than that. She is sexy, beautiful, strong and one of a kind. Indeed, no one has seen her devastated or unhappy, but only the part of her that is headstrong, witty, and most of the times, intimidating. However, she has her own worries, from her previous marriage and her only son, which she loves enough to let him hate her for leaving the family, and although she enjoys the company of men, she has always wanted to have someone who truly loves her. Sadly, that didn't materialise as she got married to this revengeful man. Gladly, she spent her days worthwhile when she was alive.
Goodbye Eddie, I didn't realise that you are more than this. You are indeed one of a kind.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Sedang menjadi orang yang rajin
I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Realization
Life is colorful, why let small matters distract you from leading a happier life?
Who doesn't have problems? What's most important is how you deal with them, and not how much it will cost you. Stay positive.
Who doesn't have problems? What's most important is how you deal with them, and not how much it will cost you. Stay positive.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
解脱
为什么人总是要等到失去后才懂得珍惜？
我一直没什么留意阿桑，只听过‘叶子’和‘野百合也有春天’，觉得感动中带有一丝丝的哀伤与沧桑。直到近期，在电台广播又听到她的歌，接着又听到她离去的消息，有点惊讶。
今夜，我又听了她的歌，不禁叹惜。
事事难料，变幻莫测。世上没有什么事情是绝对的。
我们常常试着充实自己的生命，遗忘了垂死挣扎，努力生存的人。
自我并不是王道。而了解生活与生存的意义，才是懂得惜福的不二法门。
我一直没什么留意阿桑，只听过‘叶子’和‘野百合也有春天’，觉得感动中带有一丝丝的哀伤与沧桑。直到近期，在电台广播又听到她的歌，接着又听到她离去的消息，有点惊讶。
今夜，我又听了她的歌，不禁叹惜。
事事难料，变幻莫测。世上没有什么事情是绝对的。
我们常常试着充实自己的生命，遗忘了垂死挣扎，努力生存的人。
自我并不是王道。而了解生活与生存的意义，才是懂得惜福的不二法门。
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Thanks Father
A jog does wonders, feels like me having a conversation with God, thinking through what has been happening and I found the root of the problem. Felt relieved because it can be solved in time. Jogging is the way to go already.
Chaotic VS Peaceful
I am worrying, about many things. I can't set my priorities right, and I seems to be gloomy and unhappy. This feeling seems to be catching up before I actually know it or find a way to deal with it. Things aren't going as smoothly as they are supposed to be, and I screwed it up most of the times, and ended up in guilt and regret. I know this isn't healthy, as I wonder what happen to my good old optimistic self. I know sooner or later, I have to get out of this, so that I can be back in shape again.
I need to differentiate between things that are within my control and those that are not. Those that I can control I keep in mind and will have to try not to keep thinking about it, while those within my control, I have to keep on working on it, to improve the situation. Only when I think out of this straining box, will I find peace and be happy again. Okie, I did try greeting people with a smile today and not let things affect my mood and in everything that I do. (I read something about everyone deserves to be greeted with a smile.)
This is part and parcel of life, and I can only see it as a test to make me stronger, as what doesn't kill me thus make me stronger. I awaits for the time where peace will be mine. (not death certainly) Meanwhile, I try my best to solve the problems.
I need to differentiate between things that are within my control and those that are not. Those that I can control I keep in mind and will have to try not to keep thinking about it, while those within my control, I have to keep on working on it, to improve the situation. Only when I think out of this straining box, will I find peace and be happy again. Okie, I did try greeting people with a smile today and not let things affect my mood and in everything that I do. (I read something about everyone deserves to be greeted with a smile.)
This is part and parcel of life, and I can only see it as a test to make me stronger, as what doesn't kill me thus make me stronger. I awaits for the time where peace will be mine. (not death certainly) Meanwhile, I try my best to solve the problems.
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